


All Tied Up

by Keldae



Category: Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: (not the fun type either), Bondage, F/M, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Restraints, Theron trying to be a supportive boyfriend, Trigger Warnings, anxiety is a bitch, even for a Jedi, past trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 22:14:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15519762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keldae/pseuds/Keldae
Summary: An old fear of the Alliance Commander's is a glaring vulnerability. Theron tries to help her get past it.





	All Tied Up

The downside of being the Alliance Commander was that there was an obscene amount of credits on said Commander’s head, and no matter how dangerous a target she was, there were always some bounty hunters crazy enough to try going after her.

“This is the third one in the last two months,” Theron growled as he and Sorand ran through a tunnel in an underground bunker, chasing the last known coordinates of the hunters who’d managed to snatch Xaja and Lana while they’d been scouting on Tatooine. “I swear to the Force, I’m putting a tracking device on Xaja before I let her out of the base again.”

“Don’t tell her I said this, but I agree.” Sorand squinted into the darkness ahead of them. “Korin and Koth are in position, I think they’re in combat. I can just sense Lana and Xaja, but it’s faint.”

“But they _are_ here?” Theron asked as he rounded a corner, hearing the sounds of blaster fire up ahead.

“Yes, unless my Force senses have utterly betrayed me.” Sorand turned his head to the left as he honed in on the missing women. “This way!”

Theron followed the Sith as the younger man led him around the battle with the bounty hunters, knowing Korin and Koth could take care of them with HK-55 as backup. Deep within the bunker, there was a heavy door set into the stone wall; strong though it was, it couldn’t resist the effects of a lightsaber and the pissed-off Sith Lord wielding it. The spy stepped through the hole Sorand had cut into the door, squinting in the dim light. “Xaja? Lana?”

“Theron!” The cry made Theron run ahead until he finally found the women he’d been searching for. Lana was slumped against the wall, slowly blinking like she was only now regaining consciousness; Xaja was sitting upright and frantically squirming, her hands behind her back. “Oh, thank the stars…”

“Xaja! You’re okay, sweetheart. I wasn’t going to leave you here.” Theron skidded to his knees beside Xaja, reaching behind her to find whatever was binding her as Sorand hurried by to free Lana. The spy frowned in worry when he felt wetness on Xaja’s skin before his fingers found the binder cuffs restraining her. “Sweetheart, what…”

“... I panicked,” Xaja whispered as Theron undid the binders and drew her hands in front of her, groaning as the motion made her aching shoulders hurt. “I… I don’t do well with restraints…”

“Oh, honey,” Theron sighed as he got a look at the ugly chaffing on Xaja’s slim wrists where she’d desperately tried to free herself from the binders. Even with the cuffs gone, he could still feel her shaking from lingering fear. He gently kissed her forehead as he slipped his arms under her knees and back, carefully standing back up with her in his grip. “Remind me to teach you how to get out of them before you set foot off Odessen again.” He nuzzled her hair, then looked over as Sorand helped Lana to her feet. “Lana okay?”

“Concussion, but she’s all right.” Sorand hauled Lana’s arm over his shoulders as the blonde Sith hissed in pain. “Sorry, Lana,” he muttered, then looked over at Theron. “Xaja’s good?”

“Enough to get out of here.” Theron adjusted his grip on Xaja as she wrapped her arms around his neck, leaving bloodstains on his jacket from her injured wrists. “Let’s move!”

* * *

Two days later found Theron and Xaja sitting cross-legged on their bed, facing each other with an old set of binder cuffs between them. “Every agent learns how to escape these in basic training,” Theron was saying as he looked down at the binders. “There’s a little bit of technical skill involved, but it’s mostly just manipulating your own joints to slip out of them.” He paused and looked back up at Xaja, still staring at the binders without moving. “Xaja?”

She startled when he rested his hand on her knee; Theron felt his heart ache when he saw the open fear in her eyes. She really wasn’t kidding about not doing well with restraints. “Hey,” he murmured, offering her a gentle smile. “You’re okay here. You’re safe. You won’t be hurt here.”

Xaja swallowed hard and looked back down at the binders, shaking under Theron’s hand. “Sorry,” she whispered, her voice barely audible.

“It’s okay.” Theron leaned in to kiss her forehead. “We’re just gonna take it slow, all right?” His hand shifted to gently take her own, fingers brushing the bandages still covering her wrists. “You know I’d never hurt you, Xaja. Right?”

She hesitated before nodding. “Yeah,” she mumbled, sounding like she was trying to convince herself of that fact.

 _Who hurt you before?_ Theron wanted to ask, mostly so he could hunt down the guilty parties and make them hurt for harming his Jedi. Instead, he just kissed her forehead again. “That’s right. You’re safe here with me. I’m not going to hurt you.” He gently drew her hands together, holding them in his own grip while his other hand reached for the cuffs. “You’re perfectly safe, sweetheart. You can tell me if you need to stop, okay?”

He had no idea if Xaja even heard him. She was staring in mute terror at the cuffs as he slowly raised them to her hands. Theron felt her wrists tense and tightened his grip before she could jerk her hands back, and heard a soft whimper of fear. “Theron…”

“Shhh. You’re okay. You’re safe.” Theron opened one of the cuffs with one hand and slowly brought it up to Xaja’s arms. “You’re doing just fine, sweetheart…”

Xaja shook her head in denial as the cuff brushed her skin, making her try to pull away from him again. “Theron, I can’t do this!”

“Yes, you can,” Theron soothingly murmured. “You’re already so brave for getting this far, honey. You’re doing so well.”

The cuff settled on the back of Xaja’s wrist, and that was apparently her limit. “Theron, _stop!_ ” she cried out, terror radiating from her strongly enough that Theron could feel it even without the Force. He immediately released her hands, and felt his heart break when she jerked away from him, drawing herself up protectively with her knees to her chest. He could see her visibly shaking from the fear rushing through her veins.

Already feeling disheartened, Theron tossed the cuffs off the bed and out of Xaja’s line of sight. “I'm sorry, love. Look, they’re gone. You’re okay, sweetheart.” He extended his hands out to her, and tried to not feel worse when she flinched. “It's just me, Xaja. You’re safe, you’re safe…”

“... Sorry,” Xaja finally mumbled as she started to calm down somewhat. “I’m not really doing okay with this, and--”

“Shhh. You’re doing just fine.” Theron offered her a reassuring smile as she uncurled enough to place her hands in his. “I’m asking you to do something that’s scaring the shit out of you, love. It’s not going to be an easy ride.”

Xaja shook her head in agreement as she scooted forward and rested her forehead against his shoulder. Theron sighed as he wrapped his arms around her back, simply holding her for a few minutes and intermittently kissing her hair. A frown creased his forehead as an idea started to take root in his mind. “Would you be okay if we started with something easier than binder cuffs?”

“... Like what?” Xaja asked as she sat back up, trying to be casual about wiping her sleeve across her eyes as though to hide the tears she had shed in the midst of the panic.

“Hmm.” Theron kissed her cheek before sliding off the bed and moving over to the wardrobe in the room. He rummaged around on her side of the storage unit until he found what he was looking for. “Maybe a scarf?” he suggested as he withdrew the soft red scarf she had found on Nar Shaddaa a few weeks ago. “It’s softer on you and easier to escape.” _And presumably nobody’s hurt you with a scarf_ , he silently added. _Not like they did with binder cuffs._

Xaja hesitated for a long minute before slowly nodding. “Maybe?” she softly whispered, doubtfully eyeing the scarf as Theron returned to the bed and sat down. “I’m sorry I’m making you do all of this when I keep panicking, Theron…”

“Don’t be sorry, Xaja.” Theron set the scarf down on his lap and leaned forward to gently kiss her. “You’re being so brave for even trying this, beautiful. I’m so proud of you.” He slowly sat back up, his hands trailing down her arms until he was holding her wrists again. “I’m going to try a very loose knot, okay? Just to get you used to having something on your wrists.” He gently squeezed her fingers when she went tense, and gave her a small smile when she looked up at him and away from the scarf. “And you can still tell me to stop if it’s too much. Okay?”

“... Okay.” Xaja’s voice was barely audible, despite only being perhaps two feet away from Theron. She was already trembling, both from fear and from her efforts at staying still, as Theron slowly set the scarf over her wrists.

“There’s my girl,” Theron softly crooned as he gently wrapped the scarf around her wrists. He heard a stifled sound of fear from her, and decided to just leave the scarf looped around her instead of loosely tied. “You’re doing so well, sweetheart. I’m so proud of you, baby. You’re perfectly safe here, I’m not going to hurt you. You’re safe, Xaja, you’re perfectly safe. And you’re so, so brave for doing this.”

He suspected Xaja didn’t consider herself to be brave at all right now. Her eyes were squeezed closed, although it didn’t prevent tears from escaping and falling down her pale face. He could hear her shuddering breathing as she tried to keep from panicking, feel her shaking like a leaf. “Theron…” she whispered, her voice sounding broken.

“I’m right here, love.” Theron kissed her forehead. “You’re so brave for doing this. You’re doing just fine.” He looked down at her shaking hands and gently kissed her brow again. “Can you wiggle your hands out of the scarf for me, baby?”

Xaja promptly tried to jerk both wrists back at once, which only tightened the scarf. Her breath caught in her throat as the fear kicked right back in. “Theron…!”

“Shhh. You’re okay, baby. You’re safe. You’re safe.” Theron shifted the tails of the scarf into one of his hands and settled the other over her own. “I’ll talk you through it, okay?” At her shaky nod, he kissed her cheek. “That’s my girl. I want you to wiggle just your right hand back toward you. Your left hand is going to stay right here for now.” He squeezed her left hand, and felt her cling back to his fingers with a vicegrip. “There, you’re just fine. I’ve got you. Can you wiggle that right hand for me?”

He wasn’t sure if that first movement was a wiggle or a bad tremble. But then Xaja was trying her best to free her right hand like he’d instructed, wiggling a little bit at a time. Theron watched as her right arm started to pull back away from him, slowly making its way back through the scarf loop. When what felt like an eternity, although it was probably closer to a minute had passed, Theron saw her finally pull her hand free of the scarf with a relieved gasp. She yanked her left hand free of the loop as well, and Theron gladly dropped the scarf to grab her in a tight hug. “I am so proud of you, Xaja,” he praised, kissing her cheek and hair as she trembled in his grip. “I know that sucked so badly, honey, but you did so well. You’re so brave. You’re safe, baby, you’re safe.”

Xaja still buried her face in his neck, slim fingers clinging to his shirt as she tried to calm down from the fear. When she finally pulled back, there were tear tracks down her cheeks, and she was still too pale. “Sorry,” she whispered again, eyes glancing to the wet mark on Theron’s shirt from her tears.

“Don’t be sorry, sweetheart.” Theron cradled her face in his hands and kissed her nose. “You’ve so brave for putting yourself through that when I know it scares you.”

Xaja slumped in his grip as she eyed the scarf spread across their laps, then at her own wrists before her as she held onto Theron’s shirt. “I’m never going to get through this without panicking every time,” she mumbled, frustration in her voice. “If I can’t even deal with a kriffing scarf--!”

“Hey, it’s okay. Baby steps, right?” Theron tilted her face back up to kiss her lips. “It’s gonna take time, but we’ll get there. I know you hate this, but I want you to know how to get out of restraints if I’m not there, Xaja.”

“I know.” Xaja sighed, finally starting to relax as the fear wore itself out. “I need to know how to do this. And learning here is better than…”

“... than the rest of the Alliance watching this.” Theron gently kissed her again. “Or in the middle of a bad situation again.” He lifted one slender arm and kissed the scar that remained from her failed escape attempt on Bandomeer, the attempt that had nearly led her to bleed out before the Alliance could get there. “You’re safe here. You know I’d never hurt you, right?”

“Mmhmm.” Xaja shifted to her knees and reached forward, wrapping her arms around Theron’s waist. “I don’t deserve you, Theron.”

“It’s me who doesn’t deserve you.” Theron tightly hugged his tiny redhead close to his chest and ran his fingers through her hair. After a minute or two of silence, he spoke again. “Do you want to try doing it again with the scarf?”

Xaja thought for a moment, then shook her head. “Not today,” she whispered, and almost immediately shrunk in on herself. “I’m sorry…”

“Don't be. I know this is hard for you and it sucks.” Theron laid back on the bed and let Xaja curl in close to him. “We’ll take as long as you need to get past the panic, love. I’m not giving up on you.” He kissed her hair as she settled in beside him. “You’re gonna be okay, sweetheart.”

Xaja managed to give him a small, tight smile, but didn’t verbally agree with him. Theron sighed as she curled up tighter beside him and slipped his arms around her for a cuddle. _If I ever find who hurt you, love, I’ll end them myself. You should never have had to be this afraid of being restrained._


End file.
